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When the Dart Hits the Bullseye

Sometimes, out of nowhere, somebody will say something that will make you upset, very upset.  It could be something as innocent as “Haven’t you been planning to paint this room?” or “Hey, you must have woken up to a different clock this morning!” or “Nice getup! What happened?” This could be a loved one, a friend, a coworker or even a passer-by.  And for some reason, the comment feels like a stab and sticks with you for some time; it just really gets to you.  You just don’t get why they had so say it; you don’t let go of it; it might even put a strain on your relationship with that person.

image by FadderUri

All this time, your thoughts are brewing and going through a range of emotions, from feeling misunderstood – “How could s/he say that?  Doesn’t s/he know how busy I am?” – to counter-attacking – “Oh yeah?  Well, we’ll see who’s on time to the meeting next week!  As a matter of fact, maybe I should follow him around and see how many of his meetings he’s late to!”

Think of an instance like that, when you were on a receiving side of a scathing comment.  Think of the author.  Is this person mean-spirited in general?  Does this person harbor any ill will towards you?  Was this person lashing out at you, for whatever reason?  If you can’t answer with a resounding yes to these questions, then it’s quite possible that you took the comment in the wrong way or it sounded a lot worse than it was meant to.

Now, misunderstanding is very much a part of life, and will be there so long as two or more people are interacting with one another.  What I’d like to get at is why the comment was so upsetting to you.  The likelihood is that you felt hurt, misunderstood and maybe even bitter because that comment touched a raw nerve or pointed out a flaw and you became defensive.  We don’t like it when our flaws are pointed out to us.  We’re not happy when a topic that we struggle with is broached, especially if our shortcomings/failures/inconsistencies could be exposed.

Maybe you are taken aback by the comment on your early arrival because you know that you’re late quite often.  Or you feel a little too much sting, when a comment is made about the the noises your car makes because you know you should be taking better care of it.  Or you are inclined to tell your classmates it’s none of their business, when they ask about the latest paper – the one you’ve been dragging your feet on.

So, the next time a friend or a relative unwittingly throws a dart and hits the bullseye, before you get upset or strike back, think about why the dart hurt – maybe there’s something you need to work on?