olderbrothercomplex.com

4th anniversary

Today, I have been married to my wife for 4 years.  It hasn’t been pure bliss, and there have been downright ugly moments.  We’ve been growing together, and growth hurts, especially when you get pruned. We’ve had to put up with each other and stare red-faced at our own shortcomings.  There have been fights and tears and tense silences.  So, why would I be happy about it and celebrate it?  Three reasons:

A. Because married life isn’t supposed to be easy: when Tom Hanks (as Jimmy Dugan) said “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard… is what makes it great.”, he must have been recalling Ecclesiastes’ writings.  Trying to live a trouble-free life is futile; the real joy comes not from absence of pain, but from knowledge that you’re facing whatever is coming your way as a team.

B. Because pain is weakness leaving the body, as the Marines say.  Struggles in a relationship make is stronger, if you’re committed to it.  Every misunderstanding or miscommunication is an opportunity to choose love instead of anger, self-denial instead of selfishness, forgiveness instead of bitterness.  Oftentimes, the only thing you have to go on is a promise you made to the other person.  Almost always, you can only see how much you have grown and improved as a person in the rear-view mirror.

C. Last, but most important – because of who my wife is: a wonderful woman whose admirable traits and characteristics I don’t mention nearly often enough.  A warm, charming, bubbly girl.  A dedicated friend.  A concerned, caring sister.  An intellect and a scholar.  A delicate, yet strong woman.  A daughter of God.  A loving person who will one day be an amazing mother.  Someone who has transformed me, but says that I’m still a ‘rough draft’ and that she needs a few more decades to complete the project.  She praises me, helps me, pushes me, encourages me, respects me, makes me laugh, and kicks my butt in any and all board games.  As we do this complicated 12-round cage-match tango routine through the sometime stormy, sometime calm seas of life, we’re becoming closer friends, confidants and soul-mates.  I look forward to spending every day of the rest of my life with you, honey.  I love you.